Tuesday, July 19, 2011


I saw the new Harry Potter movie yesterday. I loved it.
When Minirva McGonnegal squared off against Snape, I cheered.
When Harry talked to his dead friends in the forest, I cried.
When Snape died, I laughed.
When Harry and Ron stripped off, I came.
When Molly Weasley destroyed Bellatrix Bachmann (Her husband does Muggle-conversion "therapy."), I applauded.
And how could I not love a movie that spends it's second half on sets cluttered with debris and murdered kids? (Unusual in a children's movie.)

So one of the Horcruxes was Rowena Ravenclaw's diaphragm? Ew.

While the Rollercoaster into the vaults of Gringott's Goblin Bank looks like lots of fun, the Wizarding Community really needs to invent ATMs. The muggles have them beat on banking convenience. (I understand that Bank of America does use dragons to gaurd their vaults though. When Little Dougie worked for BofA 32 years ago, his boss was definitely a dragon, and if that branch manager who fired him wasn't an over-tall goblin, then I'm a Republican. Dougie was let go because he was the only teller who wasn't a Death Eater.)

I know, I know. Snape was brave and a secret good guy and blah, blah, blah. I don't care. He was still an asshole. You're supposed to grow out of being a Goth, not continue dressing and (over)acting like that deep into middle age.

RIP Tom Riddle. We hardly knew ye. Dark Lords are seriously misunderstood people.
Little Dougie is a Dim Lord. He's studied The Dim Arts.

However, someone should have put "Spoiler Alert" on the cover of the novel Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I read it, and it RUINED all the surprises in the last movie! Whoever heard of a movie actually followng the book it's based on? It's un-American!

When my friend Allen Neuwirth saw this Harry Potter movie (at a screening attended by the cast! Yes, I hate him too.), he was disapponted that what he felt was the greatest mystery was not addressed, namely, what happened to Voldemort's nose. (Well that and, what was so special about Walt. No wait; that's a
Lost unanswered mystery.) At first, I thought Voldemort simply had a jokey wizard Uncle who said: "Got your nose!" but then who died before he could restore it (I'm told that Baby Voldemort's first words were "Avada Kadavra"), or that his nose looked like Voldemort's hated muggle father's nose, so he removed it, literally cutting off his nose to spite his own face.

But then I realized what really happened. It's obvious. Look at his fingernails. That is what happens when you pick your nose without trimming your talons first.

I have a hard time choosing which McGonagall I love more.

Talk about

From Harry Potter and the Deathly Teabaggers. Harry looks about for Whorecruxes.

Anyway, I can't wait for the next one!


Oh well, Cheers darlings. And to all you Teabaggers in Congress holding the American economy hostage just so you can keep all your tax breaks for billionaires while you cut essential services for American citizens, and especially you, Mitch McConnell, you lying, Death-Eating, piece of shit:



Natalie Sztern said...

Now if a plastic surgeon created that nose on a Canadian we still wouldn't be able to sue for malpractice...but if i stub my toe on the door entering a cupcake shop in Burlington, Vermont I could sue for millions. Gotta luv the American system...

Tallulah Morehead said...

Yes, and if you have cancer in Canada, they treat it for free, whereas, if you get cancer in America, they cancel your medical insurance (You're only allowed medical coverage as long as you don't need it. If you need it, you can't have it. Catch-22) and you get to impoverish yourself befre you die. Yeah, gotta love the American system, if you're a greedy, evil SOB. If you're a normal, middle-class citizen, watch out.