Monday, September 12, 2011

The 7 Dwarfs of Dr. Lao.

I happened to rewatch Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs last night, since the only other choices were 9-11 remembrances, and frankly, I remember it vividly enough as it is without further reminder. It's not like it's a pleasant memory one enjoys lingering over.

But of course, Snow White is a pleasant memory one enjoys  lingering over, and as I lingered over it, some random thoughts occurred to me.

Oh please. Grumpy is sooooo gay.

When Snow White first identifies Grumpy, his bed is visible in the background, as it is in Doc's close-ups in that scene also, a sheet has been left hanging over the "G" in Grumpy's name on the foot of the bed, so his name is seen as "Rumpy". Like I said, Gay.

The first time Little Dougie saw it, when he was 5 in 1955, he knew Grumpy was his dwarf, and he's grown up to be the tall, not bald, small-nosed version of him, only grumpier.


I want some of what Dopey is smoking.

Why don't woodland creatures ever clean my home! Frankly, neither Snatches, my kitty, nor Baskerville, my mastiff, ever clean up anything except for Baskerville lapping up my vodka spills. My staff spend most of her time cleaning up after the beasties.

Why aren't the dwarfs wealthy, given they own "a mine where a million diamonds shine"? How do they market their product?

Ew. Didn't these creep out kids at Disneyland in the 1950s?

If Snow White really were dead, as the dwarfs believed when putting her in her glass coffin, how good an idea would that see-through bower be a couple years later? Ew! Instead of "Snow White," she'd soon have turned into "Demon-Vomit Green".

Who wants to marry a man given to making out with random female cadavers he encounters? Necrophiliacs are not good husband material. (And what's with how charmed everyone was with a Disney movie that has seven gay men living together, sleeping in pushed-together beds, and ends with animals and circus freaks killing an old lady, followed by necrophilia? Mind you, the older I get, the more I depend upon the kindness of necrophiliacs.)

The Queen is dead, and Snow White has gone off to help rule the Prince's realm. Who is the new head of the government where Snow White came from?

Why does the Queen have no staff whatever besides a huntsman and a mirror? Really. There is NO ONE ELSE in that castle! No wonder Snowy has to do the housework.

I want that peacock-themed throne! This is what all the toilets at NBC looked like back in the 1960s. (This still is from Disney's sequel: 7 Brides for 7 Dwarfs, in which I starred as the Queen. For a full description of this memorable forgotten Disney animated classic, see my previous flog posting: Feeling Grumpy.)

Why is Dopey's head three times the size of Snow White's? Hydrocephalic? (It would explain so much.) As a small kid, I thought she sang "Some Day My Prints Will Come" and that she was singing about waiting to get photos back from the drugstore.

If the dwarfs can't even remember the last time they washed, why do they have several bars of soap waiting at the trough?

Why are queens always scarier than witches? Sometimes Little Dougie scares the crap out of me. Cheers darlings.


RCP said...

And what's with how charmed everyone was with a Disney movie that has seven gay men living together, sleeping in pushed-together beds, and ends with animals and circus freaks killing an old lady, followed by necrophilia? LOL

PS: A kind word, a ruffling of hair, and a hug might make Little Dougie less "grumpy" Tallulah.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Ruffling his hair makes him more Grumpy, and he doesn't do hugs much.

walja said...

I created a Survivor Fantasy Team named "The Tallulah Morehead Fan Club". Anyone reading this is welcome to join, it is a public group.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Co-incidentally enough, I have a Fantasy Team called "The Tallulah Morehead Fantasy Club." They sit about and imagine me naked.

I'm afraid I do not know what a "Survivor Fantasy Team" even is, though I've been lucky to survive some of my lovers' fantasies.

Anyway, have fun with it. And vote out Coach Wade right away. It's this "we can always vote that one out later" idea that is responsible for Voldebitch now being the most likely winner tonight on BB.

GardenGuy said...

I heard the eighth dwarf, Horney had to be cut from the movie. He was the head Ho' but was always out looking for some. He was off camera in a few shots where you could hear the rest of the dwarves calling Hi Ho!

Fantasy Survivor? Until last season my fantasy Survivor would have included nude challenges, but Philip pretty much ruined that for me.

I have a feeling that the two girls will take each other to the final two. Adam, then on the jury, will vote for Porche and he will be the deciding vote so there may be a chance that Voldebitch may not win it. one can always hope...

dave herman said...

I'm begging you, please!!!!!!!

please review survivor this season. not sure I can withstand it without you.

thanks in advance.

Tallulah Morehead said...

GG, I see you didn't click on and read my linked column "Feeling Grumpy." In that I indicated how, in the sequel 7 BRIDES FOR 7 DWARFS, it was shown that "Hi Ho!" was the dwarfs greeting to me, and that the Dwarf brides were named Slutty, Skanky, Smelly, Tipsy, Horny, Swishy, and Poontang. You're recylcling my own jokes to me.

@David, Thanks for asking, but please no! I've flogged 5 seasons of Survivor, and I'm bored, bored, bored with writing about it. I can not come up with a new season of Coach Wade jokes. I've been repeating myself too much already as it is. And frankly, it's become a tiresome chore. I may post a column or two on it, if it inspires me to, but I will not commit to flogging the season. I'm sick to death of Coach. One season of him was too much, and this is his third!

GardenGuy said...

Your take was much funnier... (I couldn't possibly recycle you!)Sorry I didn't have time to hit that link, but I'll be sure to check it out.

I'm not looking forward to Survivor much this season either. It's overdue for a rehaul and until then not worthy of the time spent rehashing it.

Looking forward to your occasional postings. They always make ny day.

Michael said...


Your worst nightmare has come true. Thanks to Shelley's pathetic need to get back in the good graces of Jeff & Jordan (what is it with BB viewers and this couple?), her vote handed Voldebitch the win.

So she'll now go on talk shows and interviews where the hosts will be forced to treat her like she's actually accomplished something. I'm afraid that this will only feed her egotism, so good luck to all of you Golden State residents. May the force be with you.

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