But here am I, asking Hussy (That's what I call The President Elect in private. Ironically, it's also what Michelle calls me!) the one question all America is now asking, The One Great Question about the new O'Bama Administration: What type of puppy will the new First Doggie be?
I sobbed all through Hussy's acceptance speech. Eventually I managed to get the chaise leg off of my foot, but I still had tears for that moving speech. I loved all that blather about little 106 year old Ann Nixon Cooper voting for him. I just wish he had chosen an old lady to yap about who didn't have Nixon in her name! You'd think a man with the middle name Hussein would know what a liability having an evil middle name can be. He could have used ME as an example. I was discarding my virginity before little Annie had filled her first diaper. But, as usual, he knew that bringing me up would inevitably result in his being completely upstaged by my glamour and fame. So he went with that nobody Cooper woman.
I thought John McCain's concession speech was classy, his first classy speech in 8 years. Of course, his followers still insisted on demonstrating what douche bags they are. When, in the spirit of uniting behind the new president as One Nation Not Under God, McCain mentioned O'Bama's name, his followers booed- loudly! McCain had to quiet them. Yet when Hussy mentioned McCain's name, in the same spirit of reaching across the aisle to unite these states so disunited under Dubya's Administration of Horror (The Bush Administration was the Saw IV of presidencies.), his people applauded McCain, and were respectful.
McCain of course, gets the credit (?) for choosing Palin, so he was also a big contributer to his defeat. And certainly Dick Cheney's last weekend endorsement of McCain helped push O'Bama over the top. But let's face it, the person most responsible for the election of Barack Hussein O'Bama to be the 44th President of The United States of America is none other than - envelope please - George W. Bush! Thank you Dubya. It's the first good thing you have ever done in your whole, misbegotten excuse for a life. Now go fuck off forever.
And by the way, who did Joe the (unlicensed) Plumber vote for? No one. He's a convicted felon, and can't vote.
Dubya used to make a lot of noise about having a "Mandate," despite his narrow victories, based on only a handfull of fictitious votes. In fact, his 2000 "Victory" was just five votes, all of them Supreme Court Justices who should have known better, but who were in the bag. O'Bama however, has won by a landslide, and the voters have further handed him Democratic majorities in both the House and the Senate. Darlings, that is more of a "Mandate" than dinner, a movie, and a motel room with Huge Jackman! (And Huge, I'm free!) I might add that, though Proposition 8 passed in California for now (FUCK YOU MORMAN CHURCH! You're a fine group to dictate "Traditional Marriage" to ANYONE! Don't think we don't remember Little Dougie's Mormon Bishop great-great grandfather William Haney Hickenlooper and his three simultaneous wives!), and Gay Marriage has been re-banned, nonetheless, Mandates are still legal.
All joking aside; what a great day for America. Dubya will soon be gone (And hopefully then under indictment, along with Jeb, Cheney, and all the other criminals that placed him in the White House illegally), we've shown that our ideals of equality may actually mean something, and elected an inspiring man to our highest office. There was a sigh of relief and cheering all around the earth, as people in every country breathed easier (Kenya, where our next president's African Family hails from, has declared a national holiday today, in Hussy's honor), knowing that the Evil America that has terrified them for 8 years is banished, and Good America is coming back.