Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Miss Take Liberties

Hello darlings. Do you love the above statue? It's called "Miss Take Liberties" and the plan is to erect it it in Hollywood Harbor, so that when boatloads of poor, immigrant movie stars come to California from far off, third world hellholes like Burma, New Zealand, Catalina Island, and Flagstaff, they'll see The Greatest Star Who Never Lived, and be inspired. The inscription reads: "Give me your tired, your poor, your no-talent movie stars, yearning to take liberties. I lift my martini by my golden doughnut." It always brings a tear to my eye.

And for me, after a lifetime of inspiring and containing large, proud erections, now I will actually be a huge erection myself! A dream come true, once they build the full-size one.

Anyway, I just wanted to leave you a quick note. I'm watching American Idol tonight for Little Kent Levine. Sometime probably after midnight, my comments will be posted on his flog, By Ken Levine. Be sure to click on that link and read it. Kent needs the hits.

Now look at this lovely picture:

That's Little Lord Laurence Olivier and beloved Tallulah-Morehead-wannabe Marilyn Monroe in The Prince and the Showgirl, or, as it was originally titled, The Prince and the Slut. Today happens to be both of their birthdays. Marilyn would be 80 today, and Larry would be 100!

Neither are truly favorites of mine. Larry was so overrated. I saw him in Hamlet, and I couldn't understand a word of it. If you're going to do a movie in a foreign language, you should at least include subtitles. And he was married for years to that tramp Vivien Leigh, the bitch who stole Scarlett O'Hara and Blanche Dubois from ME! Then Larry won an Oscar for playing Hamlet, a role he only got because he was sleeping with the director. (Look it up on the IMDb; you'll see I'm right.) I grew a little respect for him when he sensibly dumped Viv for Danny Kaye. Did you know Vivien Leigh was the Lust Child of Janet Leigh and Vivien Vance? Absolutely true, as the Headless Indian Brave is my witness.

As for Marilyn; the woman copied me slavishly, right down to the substance abuse. I'd love to see her at 80. I wonder if her world-famous breasts would have the same problem mine have now. I get these bruises on the underside of them which my doctor realized were toe marks. I kick them as I walk. Thank Heaven I'm barely ambulatory these days. Marilyn starred in Gentlemen Prefer Blonds. The title is true, but not the obverse. Blonds Prefer Men Who Are No Gentlemen, and I speak as someone who has been a platinum blond for most of my adult life.

Speaking of birthdays, mine is a week from today. Presents can be sent to me c/o of Morehead Heights. What do you get for the woman who's had everyone? Well, vodka is always the right size.

Now I've got to get to the Kodak Theater. Click on By Ken Levine and read me there, and I'll be back with a longer flogging in a day or two.

Cheers darlings.

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