Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Happy Birthday to ME!

What a milestone darlings! I'm 110 today! I hope all of you feel this good when you're 110, except for you temperance crusaders! Fuck you, jerkwads! Of course, temperance crusaders don't live to be 110; it just feels that long.

I'm able to take the time to dictate this to Little Dougie, as most of my close friends can't materialize, or rise from their coffins until after Sundown, so the party doesn't really get rolling until then. Isn't it odd that most of my friends are dead? I have an alibi! In fact, I have alibis for all of them, and they number in the hundreds, and if you add lovers, the tens of thousands.

Anyway, the Headless Indian Brave was at his still all last night (and on Memorial Day, a ghost's busiest day short of Halloween. So many gentlemen callers!), making his special brand of firewater, to fire up the celebration. You know you've had a really great birthday party if, when you wake up afterwards (or these days, if you wake up afterwards.), you find you are two years older! A truly memorable birthday party is one you can't remember at all. You know, a second childhood only comes once. Thank heaven for third childhoods.

As to presents: ladies, vodka is always appreciated. Men, a good, hard shag is the best thing to unwrap. Line up, Tarzans. Who's on first?

Bud, Lou, darlings!

Cheers all.

PS. I mentioned in yesterday's flogging that Little Christopher Lee, a babe in arms of 85, was shooting Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Well Little Chris subscribes to this flog, naturally, so he can read each one the instant it's posted. Thus today, I received an urgent she-male from Chris. I assumed that he was letting me know his wife of more than 40 years, Gitte Lee, was finally out of town (He's told me he'd throw me one just as soon as his wife went out of town for a day. That was in 1968, and the possessive bitch hasn't left his side for ten minutes since. At least that's what I'm assuming, since he still hasn't called.), but actually he was she-maling me to say he's been cut from Sweeney Todd. His whole role, as a ghost, has been cut. (The Headless Indian Brave was up for the part, but sadly, he doesn't show up on film, which is a real drawback for a film actor, except for Pauly Shore of course.) Fortunately. it was cut before he wasted any time actually shooting it. So everyone out there, refuse to see Sweeney Todd when it comes out, and let them know it was because they cut Christopher Lee. And then send Little Gitte a telegram telling her she's needed in Dafur immediately. Cheers dears.

PS. Oh, and it's also Little Douglas's birthday. The decrepit old curmudgeon is 57. Send him a birthday greeting if you feel like it, but it's not necessary. You'll only spoil him.

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