Saturday, June 25, 2011

THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, SINCE TIME BEGAN 5,000,000,000 YEARS AGO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daniel Craig is
MARRIED!!! To that SLUT Rachel Wiesz!!! When she manhandled my future-ex-husband Brendan Fraser in The Mummy, I cut her some slack since I knew they were just pretending, and also she was gorgeous and far too talented for the movie at all. When they did a sequel, and she was supposedly married to him, with an obnoxious kid, I let it slide, mostly because I spent the whole movie falling madly in love with Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, a GOD of a man whom I'd never seen before. (Love you, Mr. Eko!) When she had Hugh Jackman, my fated soulmate, in The Fountain, frankly, I started to get anoyed with her, but at least it was still just pretendsies.

But now the bitch has gone
TOO FAR!! She's gone and MARRIED Daniel Craig --- FOR REAL! He's mine, once we get around to ever meeting! No wonder it was a "secret wedding"; they were hiding from ME!

What is wrong with them? They aren't gay. Don't they realize that the legalization of Gay Marriage in New York means Straight Marriage is forever sullied and desanctified? How gouche to straight marry now.

Daniel, I forgive you. Come back. (Well, not "back." We're total strangers. But you know what I mean. Come to me! Come back Shane!)

Cheers darling,
and Happy Gay Marriage, New York. Today, you shame us in California.

11 comments:

Natalie Sztern said...

I have to know something...my daughter is an actor and gone through musical theatre education and to date each and every male friend I have ever encountered of hers has been gay. So how is it that there are so many men who act that are not gay? Is it just musical theatre? Or is it strictly the 'Rock Hudson' syndrome?

Tallulah Morehead said...

They're all gay. Every actor, but especially Warren Beatty. All gay. Tab Hunter is the only straight man left in California. I should know. 67% of my husbands were gay, although not all of them were gay before I maried them. I spoiled them for other women.

Natalie Sztern said...

Goodness your one of 'those'...good thing i found mine early on; my hairdresser wanted him but i wouldn't give...
btw he is divorced now and really good looking...

Natalie Sztern said...

my hairdresser, I mean

Natalie Sztern said...

Just received and am holding A Lush Life after being stuck somewhere in the Canadian mail system which has been on strike until late last week...so before I read it is there anything I should know ahead of time or will I be surprised? Cause shocked I never get...except when email has become practically the sole way to send mail and our mailmen want a pay hike and to get that they go on strike..that is shocking...

Tallulah Morehead said...

Well the first thing you should know is you have the wrong book, My book is titled MY LUSH LIFE, so A LUSH LIFE is someone else's book. Apart from that, it will tell you all you need to know.

Natalie Sztern said...

yes, a slight slip of the tongue but I take sleeping pills so I am allowed the memory loss but it is indeed that gorgeous mug of yours on the cover.

Lest I become 'stalkerish' are u doing Big Brother recaps? Canada got its first episode yesterday and I stipulate this because we are known not to be in sync with the Americas as a whole

Tallulah Morehead said...

No, I'm not recapping BB this year. I watched our opening episode last night, and I'm glad. What a seriously idiotic bunch. Not one sympathetic newcomer, and the return of pathetic Jordumb (Still dumber than dirt), the revolting Evil Dick, and worst of all, the return of the overwhelmingly annoying Boobiac (with no mention of Brendan's well-publicized cheating on her, nor the famous dick shot he sent another woman which of course, ended up online. He may have no taste, but that stud is nicely equipped. Anthony Weiner is jealous.). In just one hour, Boobiac's grating laugh, which she uses to punctuate each and every sentence, or near-sentence, that falls from her mouth regardless of the fact that she never says anything remotely funny ever, was nails-on-a-chalkboard time for me all evening. I may not make it through the entire season.

Note: we now have TWO "VIP Waitresses," which actually means "Whore." We have a church deacon whose attention never leave his crotch (He seems to think "Thou Shalt Be a Tasteless Horndog" is one of The Ten COmmandments), and one over-the-top annoying black queen (Now partnered with an unwilling man-hungry woman who is mad that no cute straight guys wanted her, and who, amazingly, mocked Boobiac's giant tits when she herself has humongous tits. My own are so large that, these days, at 114, I trip over them when I walk) No cute guys, except the hideous deacon.

Oh, and now EVERYONE is pointlessly lying about what they do for a living, not just the whores.

Hardly surprising that Boobiac won the first HOH, since it went to whoever rode a banana the longest, and that "VIP Waitress" has "logged" more banana-riding time than anyone else there, even the annoying, flamboyant gay guy with the hideous taste in clothes.

Anonymous said...

Tallulah, no! I rely on your BB recaps to keep the show interesting. Reconsider? You're the funniest blogger I've ever read!

Tallulah Morehead said...

I'm not the one who needs to reconsider; it's The Huffington Post who needs to reconsider.

Anonymous said...

NO!!!!!!!!!! SAY IT AINT SO! how do we let huffington post know we NEED your blogs just to get thru the stupid season! i love, LUV, amo to read your posts!!!!!