Monday, May 16, 2011

A Couple Final Thoughts on Zombie Island.

What a shame Mansweater didn't play in the penultimate Immunity Challenge, where you had to arrange lettered tiles from 1 to 100, because, for him, it would be a puzzle. Darn! What comes after 87? "Phile" that.

Well at least the prayers were segregated: on Zombie Island everyone was praying, while over on the Up Tempo tribe, no one but Rob had a prayer. So it turned out Dr. Jesus's god was just keeping him on Zombie Island as some sort of Divine Practical Joke. As his vase fell and shattered, you could hear a deep, echoey voice in the clouds letting fly with Nelson's classic "Ha-ha!" Additionally, it was nice of Dr. Jesus's god to arrange for him also to come in second for the Viewer's Choice prize, so he got to lose twice in one show.

Natalie wanted to "focus on relaxing". Yes, I hate sloppy, unfocused relaxing. It can be chaotic. Meanwhile, Rob wanted to focus on winning. How proud she must be to know she came in third, as even "Phile" got more jury votes than she did.

Chief Numbnuts really knows how to charm votes from the jury. He revealed his masterplan to piss off every one of them (except his new True Love, Mansweater), as he "kicked a little ass," and showed those jurors he wasn't going to take their shit. I am deeply impressed with his master plan to come in second.

After presenting his summation to the jury, David billed Rob for legal work and time.

Chief Numbnuts said: "It’s okay to tell the world that I have a relationship with somebody who has been dead since 1870." I would hope so, since Dr. Jesus has a deep relationship with an ex-carpenter who's been dead since 33 AD, and a deity who never existed at all. I know how they feel. Most of my best friends are dead too.

Natalie said: "I think I'm stronger than I think I am." I wonder how strong she thinks she thinks she is. I think she's dumber than she thinks she thinks she is.

Cheers darlings.


gds69ca said...

Thank you for another wonderful recap season of Survivor, love the show, you just make it better...hope for more of your great humor again when Big Brother starts??

Anonymous said...

Little disapointed at how short the recaps. There wasn't even one for the last show before the finale.

Tallulah Morehead said...

YOU'RE "disappointed"? I'm sorry. Did you not get your money's worth? You want to pay me to do the full recaps I did at the Huff Po? I said - REPEATEDLY - that I would do no recaps for the last two shows, and then I went and did a few jokes, and posted some pictures that take a couple hours to put together as I like them, and what do I get? You're "disappointed"? You're welcome to go find some other free comedy writer to read.

Just for the record again, I will not be recapping Big Brother this summer either. If, from time to time, I do a short entry on BB this summer because something occured to me that I wanted to comment on, I will not take kindly to being criticized for not writing enough. You want full-size pieces, you're welcome to pay me.

I will still be recapping award shows here. Look for the Tony Awards Show being roasted here when it airs next month.

Anonymous said...

Not too worry Talulah. Sunday is judgement day and there will never be any more BB or Survivor ;) P.S. I'll bring the marshmallows.

Musonius Rufus said...

Just out of curiosity, how much are we talking about to have you do recaps of BB this summer, Tallulah?

You can email me at my gmail address of c.musonius.rufus

Love you

Tallulah Morehead said...

After The Rapture, I call dibs on looting Mel Gibson's home! There will still be Big Brother and Survivor after The Rapture, just no more people praying on them, and Matt won't be doing a Survivors All-Stars Edition.

You know, when they had that hot, smart Muslim on Big Brother twice (I forget his name, and I'm not bothering to look it up for this comment), he prayed to Allah five times a day, but they didn't make us watch it.

Anonymous said...

I thank you Tallulah, for all the work you did to bring the GREAT recaps of both Survivor and Big Brother. I only watched 2 eps of Survivor this year, and Have not watched Big Bro since Evil Dick was on.

You did all of your fans a wonderful service, sacrificing your time and Dougies' writing talent to bring us an amazing write up(almost)every week.

I will continue to check in on this site weekly to see what updates you have.

I wish nothing but the best for you and Douglas in all of your future plans.

Anonymous said...

6:00pm....still here....still here @ 6:00.01...whew!!!! Bring on the next Survivor!! DHMO

Anonymous said...

Tallulah, what was up with Mansweater voting for "Phile" anyway? Why the heck did he cast his vote that way do you think?

P.S. I'm in for looting Mel's can have the Beaver. :-)

GardenGuy said...

Tallulah - Thank you for the extra cherry (your comments on the finale) on what was an awesome Sundae (your blogs) this season. Don't mind the cherry picker, the rest of us were pleasantly surprised and appreciative that you still took the time to comment. I never heard back from Hallie in any follow up email I sent. I'm sending an email to the higher ups at HP letting them know how unprofessional her lack of response has been.

Anonymous said...

Tallulah, you have to see this!


unaffected said...

I also wondered if David was auditioning to be Rob's attorney with his brown-nosing at the final Tribal Council.

And I'm thinking that David's bride-to-be wasn't smart enough to think of the word "no". I wonder how many adult films she's been in?

I will miss your recaps, TM, but I will continue to check your blog for sparse postings!

Thank you for making me laugh for years. :)

Patrick said...

Thought you'd get a kick out of this Tallulah, Looks like Burnett is expanding on his bible thumpin' ways:

Tallulah Morehead said...

Well here's an interesting new development. I checked my last Huff Po column just now, since people were still leaving comments as a way to communicate with me, and found that comments have been closed for that entry, even though the comments are still open for the one the week before, and over 60 comments have been deleted, ALL comments referring readers here, and discussing my dismissal, and all reader and fan reactions to my removal, all PURGED by the Huffington Post. Truley amazingly petty and cowardly.

Patrick said...

Wow, just messed up. HuffPo has screwed the pooch on this one, and now they're trying to cover their tracks as well.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Now today, after I emailed in squawking, and using words like "Cowardly" and "immature," the comments for that last column were re-opened, and EIGHTY-TWO comments restored.

Mind you, they have yet to reply to any of my last five emails.

Anonymous said...

"I checked my last Huff Po column just now, since people were still leaving comments as a way to communicate with me" - a digital shrine!


Tallulah Morehead said...

Look for my recap of The Tony Awards here the day after the show.

Craig Hart said...

Hi, Tallulah!

I apologize for using the comment section for this purpose, but I didn't see a contact page.

I found your site through "By Ken Levine" and love it! I was wondering if you'd be interested in trading links with me. My site ( is mostly humor, along the lines of The Onion. Check it out if you wish and I hope to hear from you soon!

- Craig Hart

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