Bret's Purple Tony Heart (and nose).

Poor Bret Michaels has suffered for his art, and his inability to look where he's going. Look at what's left of his face after slamming into a piece of scenery at The Tony Awards, almost as though the stage of Radio City Music Hall was rejecting him like a faulty organ for having no business being there in the first place. Thank Heaven he was already homely, so it's not possible to harm his looks.

And now he has whined to the press that the Tonys haven't apologised to him for his clumsiness and inability to walk upright. "If I were Liza Minnelli, they'd have apologized." He's correct. In fact, I believe the Tonys have apologized to Liza for putting her in a show with Bret.

Well someone needed to apologize to Bret, so I have. You can read my apology, posted over at The HuffPo, by clicking on this: A Long-Overdue Apology to Bret Michaels.

I'd chat more, but I have to hop into a Lincoln Incontinental and get to the Ahmanson. Little Dougie and I have tickets to see Dame Edna onstage tonight. If we're not there, poor self-esteem-deficient Edna can't summon the courage to go on. So I'm going to see her out of selflessness, no matter how offensive that is to Rosa Klebb, I mean Ayn Rand. (It's a natural mistake.) How fortunate for all of us that Ayn is dead.

Cheers darlings.