Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I Survive.

Sorry to be so silent. I've been recapping Survivor: Tocantins over on The Huffington Post, and it leaves me exhausted! I'm 111. Just waking up wears me out. Some days, it's all I can do to drink a martini. Fortunately, I have a vodka intravenous feed.

First off, I have to actually watch the show! Good God is that a tiresome chore! And still worse, I have to pay attention to what happens! Have you ever tried that? I've watched Survivor for 9 years now, and I've never had to pay attention before. Great Gershwin, it's all I can do to follow an interesting conversation. The chatter on Survivor is impossible to cling to. They don't talk. They Twitter!

I am in love with Joe and Brendan. Now that my brief marriage to that boy who won So You Think You Can Dance last year (Joshua! You see. I'm not a total blank page. Joshua what? What is my latest last name? Drat!), is over and forgotten, to put it mildly (Ask him about it. I guarantee that he'll pretend he knows nothing about it or even who I am. What's his excuse? He's 20.), I could be on the lookout for my next hubby. Hubbies are my hobby.

Anyway, If you think you'd enjoy my version of the show so far, here are the links, in chronological order.

Survivor: Tocantins. "Aarf," Said Sandy.

The Survivor Tocantins Diet: Cut Out Candy

Survivor Tocantins: War is Heck; Survivor is Hell!

Survivor Tocantins: Sandy Wastes

It's much more fun than actually watching the damn thing. Meanwhile, LOST is the show one wants to talk about. It's been great. But no. Someone else does Lost. At least I still get to watch it. What's with all the Egyptian references this season? Richard Alpert wears so much eyeliner that even Sawyer notices, like a pharaoh. Richard Alpert is apparently immortal. Twice this week we saw an "ankh" which is a symbol of Everlasting Life, like Richard has. And his initials are RA, like in the Egyptian sun god, Amon Ra. Is Richard Alpert 5000 years old? Is he Amon Ra? Does he have a crystal skull? Are these grapes fresh?

So Jin is on the Island in 1977, and Sun is on the Island in 2007? By the time they catch up to each other, there'll be a greater age difference between them than between me and my 5th, 7th, and 9th husbands. (Husbands 4 and 10 were still greater age differences. Count Vlad Tepes was 400 years my senior!) (Husband order rankings higher than 5 are, by necessity, estimates. The exact number and order of Tallulah's husbands are unknown, even to her. -Douglas)

So enjoy my posts, and I'll be back here with something new soon.

Cheers darlings.

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