As always, I tuned in to The Emmy Awards, to see if I was in the "In Memoriam" montage. I was relieved to see I wasn't. Nor, for that matter, was Harry Dean Stanton. I know he was in Twin Peaks: The Return, but it wasn't his fault that it was more incoherent than I am on New Years Eve. They shouldn't take it out on a newly dead beloved film legend. (One episode I saw seemed a lot better, more cogent and entertaining than the other episodes, until Little Dougie pointed out that I was watching my aquarium.)
Anyway, I tossed off a few verbal reactions, and Little Dougie jotted them down. It's nice he has time for me given how taken up he is with plugging his two new books, My Gruesome Life and We Belong Dead: A Gay Perspective on the Classic Movie Monsters. Neither of these books are about me, so what's the point of them? (Well, I do pop up here and there in My Gruesome Life, it being the entirely true autobiography of my dear friend, horror icon Guy Thanatos. And they are both quite funny - intentionally.) Anyway, here my Emmy observations are.
Mamacita lost? Oh dear. Mommy Dearest is going to be so peeved, and she can be STRICT! Trust me. I know. Frankly, while I found Feud: Bette & Joan the most entertaining show I watched on TV all year (It was the only series about something important: female movie stars!), I was not surprised that Feud didn't win anything. It was about those two Tallulah-wanna-bes, Bette and Joan. Now, if it had been about me and that bitch Delores Delgado, they'd probably have swept the Emmies, even winning categories they were not nominated in.
|What's wrong with this picture? I'm not in it.
|I feel a youthful 79 again.
|Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly...
Oh wait. I already did this joke.
|No shit, Sherlock, and no Emmy either.
OK, it's official, NO ONE at the Emmies knows how to pronounce "Junipero." It's pronounced "You-na-pair-oh," not "Jew-no-pair-oh." I can't believe that "The Lying Detective" lost to a movie no one associated with even knows how to pronounce properly.
|Sterling, darling, maybe if you gave your speech nude. No one would cut away from you then.
|Now you can see why I call him "Little Dougie." Even an Emmy award towers over him.