Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Trumputin Watches Obama's Farewell

So long, and thanks for all the fish.
While I was watching President Obama's glorious farewell speech, Little Dougie was monitoring @TheRealTrumputin as "TheRealTrumputin" live tweeted. Enjoy.

"People cheering overrated Obama. Sad." @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Obama says 'All Men are Created Equal.' Commie nonsense. I'm far more equal than anyone else. Really, everyone says I am the best at being more equal." @TheRealTrumputin

"Obama speech boring. He never mentions pussy or mocks the 'tards. Amateur." @TheRealTrumputin

"Obama calls this a peaceful transfer of power from one freely-elected pres to the next. Ha! Thinks he's so smart with all his "Knowledge" and "Education," yet Putie and me fixed the election right under his ethnic nose. Laughs on him." @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Obama says democracy requires a basic sense of solidarity. My base is crazy solid. Really, there's no problem, believe me. My base gets REALLY solid whenever Ivanka sits on my lap." @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Obama says Poverty is falling and the rich are paying their fair share of taxes. I will fix all that with one stroke of my pen on 1/20." @TheRealTrumputin

"Hey, Crooked Obama, if you love the middle class so much, why don't you marry it? #PerfectSquelch" @TheRealTrumputin

"Obama being really helpful by listing all the stuff I'm going to need to end next week. Thanks." @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Obama says race is still a problem. Duh. That's why I will dispose of all non-whites. Race Problem Solved. Next." @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Obama said some guy named Finch says to understand someone we need to 'Climb into their skin.' This is why I understand women so well. I'm always climbing into their skin. (Don't tell Melania) Is this Finch guy available for my cabinet?" @TheRealTrumputin

"Finally Crooked Obama mentions middle-aged white guys. Took long enough. Only important demographic." @TheRealTrumputin

"When did Jefferson promise his slaves equality? I'm just like founding fathers; I like not paying my workers too. I should be on Mt. Rushmore (Which is a WHITE mountain, hint, hint.)" @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Obama says 'Science and Reason matter.' Wrong! I matter. That's it." @TheRealTrumputin

"Obama's whore mom says 'Reality has a way of catching up with you.' Wrong. I'm 70 (But look 25) and it hasn't caught up with me yet. Reality is a loser." @TheRealTrumputin

"Dumb Obama still believing that climate change stuff. Doesn't he have a thermostat? Laughing at the fool." @TheRealTrumputin

"Obama mentions World War II, forgets the wrong side won. Never forget, Mein Herr." @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Obama reads list: 'Fear of change and of people who look or speak or pray differently, contempt for the rule of law that holds leaders accountable, an intolerance of dissent or free thought, the belief that the sword or the gun or the bomb or the propaganda machine is the ultimate arbiter of what's true or what's right.' Slow down, motor mouth, I'm writing them down. All good ideas. Will be my agenda. Thanks." @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Audience gives standing ovation to Muslim Obama's 'I reject discrimination against Muslim Americans.' Clearly whole crowd is Muslim Terrorists. Will deport everyone there." @TheRealTrumputin

"Crooked Obama denounces authoritarianism. Authoritarianism is as American as slavery and poll taxes. Will bring back all three. Make America Great Again." @TheRealTrumputin

"Pinko Obama says 'Our own freedoms will eventually be threatened.' Eventually? I have it on my calendar for the 21st. Gonna be wild." @TheRealTrumputin

"Traitor Obama: 'Unless we betray our Constitution and our principles in the fight. Unless we give up what we stand for and turn ourselves into just another big country that bullies our neighbors.' GREAT IDEAS! Stealing!" @TheRealTrumputin

"Nutjob Obama: 'We should reduce the corrosive influence of money on our politics, and insist on the principles of transparency and ethics in public service.' As Richard Pryor (My BFF. Why doesn't he phone me anymore?) said, 'That N-word's crazy.' (Memo to self. Look up definition of 'Corrosive.')" @TheRealTrumputin

"Weird Obama: 'Our Constitution is a remarkable, beautiful gift.' Well, the Electoral College is, anyway. The rest of it I'm not crazy about. Will throw the rest of it out. You don't need it; you have me." @TheRealTrumputin

"Loser Obama: 'That's what our democracy demands. It needs you.' Well, it's got me, problem solved. But how rude of Obama to ignore the crowd and say that directly to me." @TheRealTrumputin

"Obama shows his lack of class by telling us to lace up our shoes. I have a team of Thai girls who lace up my shoes for me. Only classless losers self-lace. Why does he want shoe lacers out of work? Obama screws the working man AGAIN!" @TheRealTrumputin

"Dishonest Obama: 'Sometimes you win; sometimes you lose.' Ha! Plagiarizing Kandor & Ebb. Why is plagiarism OK for him but wrong for my wife and my appointees? He's plagiarizing our plagiarism!" @TheRealTrumputin

"Crybaby Obama: 'I have mourned with grieving families.' I don't do mourning. Too depressing. I prefer happy families, like mine now." @TheRealTrumputin

"Horny Obama WISHES Michele were Melania. Melania is hot, all Michele is good for is writing Melania's speeches." @TheRealTrumputin

"Nutball Obama praises his daughters, little losers. I wouldn't bother to grab them. My daughters are a billion times hotter. What else matters?" @TheRealTrumputin

"Obama stops disloyal crowd from booing me. He was our greatest president for those few seconds." @TheRealTrumputin

Well, won't this be an exciting time, for the few months or weeks or hours before Trumputin launches that nuclear war he hungers for and we're all reduced to radioactive ash. Apparently he plans to counter Global Warming with a Nuclear Winter. Let's hope it's after March, so you'll all get a chance to read Little Dougie's two new books, We Belong Dead: A Gay Perspective on the Classic Movie Monsters and My Gruesome Life: The autobiography of my close friend, horror icon Guy Thanatos (In which I make guest appearances), coming in the Spring before our Nuclear Winter. 

Cheers, darlings.

Trumputin engages in his foreign policy. 

No comments: