Sex, Lies and The End of Civilization

Watch it! Those fingers are loaded!

This old lady watched the debate, because this old lady would like someday to be an even older lady. Here's some random thoughts.

Lester Holt: "You have 30 seconds to reply before I make a lame attempt to stop you and then give up and let you ramble. You have been warned."

Well, Trump's quiet, reasoned, presidential voice lasted almost a full five minutes.

"Even if they're on watch lists wrongly, we'll help them get off."

That's an awfully personal approach.

Well, Trump's stand on taxes has nailed him the billionaire vote.

"I settled that lawsuit with no admission of guilt."

Donald, that doesn't mean you didn't do what they sued you for; it just means you bribed your way out of it, because you knew if you went to court you'd lose because you were guilty.

"Admirals have endorsed me, and many more are coming next week, to 'delete' this country. I was just endorsed by ISIS." .Huh? Anyway, it takes a Trump to brag about pre-endorsements.

Secretary Clinton has been fighting ISIS her entire life? You mean she's 14 years old?

"I have common sense." Possibly Trump's most transparent lie of the night.

"It was actually covered very accurately in The New York Times, which is unusual for The New York Times, to be honest."

His inability to resist any chance to deal out insults means he basically said: I'm right, because The New York Times said so, and they are liars.

Of course, any time he says "To be honest" or "Believe me," he's lying.

"I have much better judgement than she does. There's no doubt about that. I also have a much better temperament than she has."

Okay, those were his most transparent lies of the night. 

"What Secretary Clinton was saying about nuclear with Russia, she's very cavalier in the way she talks about various countries..."

He's offended by how she talks about his pals in Russia.

"Once the nuclear alternative happens, it's over. At the same time, we have to be prepared. I can't take anything off the table."

So, he won't end all human life unless he has to. I can not rule out destroying the earth. Thank you, Donald Strangelove.

"And also stand up to bullies, whether they're abroad or at home," or at the next podium.

Stamina is really the wrong way to go after Hillary.

"He loves beauty pageants and hanging around them.."
My favorite of Hillary's cheap shots back.

"She's spent hundreds of millions of dollars on negative ads about me, MANY OF WHICH are absolutely untrue."

That made me laugh out loud. So which were the true ones?

(And "Hundreds of millions of dollars"? Really? For a "businessman," he's not good with numbers.)

Hillary says trump hasn't paid taxes. Trump said: "That makes me smart."

AMERICA, ARE YOU LISTENING???

Hillary prepared, and had facts and figures.

Trump didn't, and had vagaries and bullshit pulled out of his ass onstage.

Hillary is the sort of person he used to pay to do his homework for him. Couldn't do that this time.

"My father gave me a small loan."

Fourteen million dollars in 1968 dollars is a "small loan"? To paraphrase Douglas Adams: this is some new meaning of the word "Small" with which I was not previously familiar. He pulled himself up by his dad's bootstraps.

This just in: Trump DEMANDS Putin moderate next debate.

Trump told Fox News that all the polls say he won, in a statement he prepared last week.

I had no idea I was ever married to Orson Welles.

So, with the debate over, I'm returning to the Real World by listening to the Mercury Theater radio production in which Orson Welles plays my third husband, Count Vlad Tepes, under his better-known nom de tomb of Count Dracula.

Uh-oh, Dracula just said to Harker, "To tell the truth, I have no interest in drinking your blood. I would never drink your blood, believe me. But if I did, I would drink your blood so great, you'd love it. I would be the best blood drinker ever. Everyone says to me. 'Please drink our blood.' Frankenstein's blood-drinking policies have been a total failure. Transylvania is a mess now. I want to make Transylvania great again."

Meanwhile, if you need something to get you through the horror of the election, Little Dougie's new book (He calls it a novel, but every word is true), My Gruesome Life, the autobiography of my dear friend, 1960s horror movie star icon, Guy Thanatos, "The Man Who Gave Evil a Bad Name." It comes out on Halloween, so just in time for you to have a very funny book to read, purest black comedy, on election night. And best of all, since Guy and I are old, old friends (I mean it; we're OLD!), and made movies together, I pop up here and there throughout the book. You're sure to enjoy it.

Until then, cheers, darlings.

The greatest book ever written, sort of. Well, a very funny black comedy anyway.