Rye Musings

I was drinking some rye, and I thought I'd share some random rye musings. For instance, that stupid song:

"Sing a song of sixpence,

A pocket full of rye."

The rye would soak your pocket, and ruin your outfit.

I watched an episode of Family Feud the other night. When asked "Name a place where people store their junk," the woman answered: "Garage." Isn't the only correct answer "in their pants"? That's where Little Dougie stores his junk, although he has been known to allow some select (and not so select) others to store their junk in his trunk for a while.

"But this was a real, truely live place. and you were there, and you, and you, and even you, Smokey. And I remember some of it wasn't very nice, but most of it was beautiful, but all the same, all I ever told them was 'I want some Mr. Cluck's Chicken', and they gave me chicken! But oh, Auntie Claire, there's no place like home."

What was scarier on the LOST finale; The Smoke Monster or the Meg Whitman commercials?

Hurley to Ben: "You know, you were a real good number 2" Was Hurley calling Ben "Good Shit"? That's what they called excellent pot when Little Dougie was in college, a million years ago.Or was Ben on THE PRISONER, and I just never noticed, in which case, how good could he have been?

So Sayid carries a torch for years for smart, strong, stands-up-to-torture Nadia, but his purgatory girlfriend is Shannon, the excruciatingly annoying, spoiled, shrieks-when-she-gets-a-hangnail airhead? Obviously his work as a torturerer is sending him to hell, because any place you're stuck with Shannon would be HELL! Remember her in the pilot episode, shrieking at her brother: "I've had a really bad day!" unlike the 40 people around her who had also JUST SURVIVED A PLANE CRASH?

LAW & ORDER promised that, in their series finale, they would answer all our questions. Well I, for one, am still puzzled. Is New York City purgatory? Is Manhattan really an Island, or something else? Why wasn't Lennie Briscoe in the church? Who will Sam Waterston choose to replace him? Why doesn't Lupo have a girlfriend? How come Hurley is black on this show? What does Ernie Hudson see in S. Eptha? (Really! What?) Why was S. Eptha the only person on the whole island with a life away from the job? Where was the doggie? How will Broadway actors get TV credits now? Was it all a dream? Cops out in a cop-out!

Why is it that on Law & Order, when the the detectives investigated murders, they never had hot-looking, best-selling crime novelists tagging along, and solving their cases for them? No wonder they got cancelled! Think of the sexual tension Rick Castle and Detective Lupo would have!

"Three little monstrous ghouls are we,

Pert as a monster well can be,

Filled to the brim with fiendish glee,

Three little monstrous ghouls.

You won't be safe so you better run,

Nobody's safe, for we care for none,

Life is a joke that will soon be done,

Three little monstrous ghouls.

Three little ghouls who, all unwary

Hang in your local cemetary,

Folks all agree we are really scary,

Three little monstrous ghouls."

We'll always be bosom baddies,

Fiends, monsters, not pals.

We'll always be bosom baddies,

If Life should reject you,

There's me to dissect you.

Don't you wish you could buy a ticket and see this bill?


I read this enormous book (700 pages) on DOCTOR WHO. In it, I read that when they announced the actress who is now playing the new Doctor's new companion, the offical BBC press release said: "Karen Gillian beat off dozens of hopefuls to land one of television's most-coveted roles."So that's how they do it in Wales; you have to beat-off lots of people. In America, a good role can be landed with a single blow-job.(It's also a really good book for anyone interested in the actual process of writing.)

When butcher men are made, Franklin Pangborn will make them.

I've just had Morehead Heights redecorated. Do you like it?

This is my belfrey.


I saw a TV commercial for a casino that ended with the admonition: "Please gamble responsibly." How the hell do you do that???

Looks like it's time for Jughead to lube up!


Here's Robin Hood and Maid Marion (Richard Todd and Joan Rice) in Walt Disney's 1952 The Story of Robin Hood, directed by the great Ken Annikin, back when Robin Hoods were sexy, as opposed to now. Here's a line from Owen Gleiberman's review of the new Robin Hood in Entertainment Weekly: "The scene builds to a carefully angled image of Robin with his shirt off, and about all we can think, looking at Crowe's muscular but still doughy torso, is that he must have worked out for months for this token beefcake shot."Who'd have thought anyone would make a worse Robin Hood than Kevin Costner's Robin of Encino? At least Ironman 2 is kicked his butt at the box office.

On the left, that's Richard Todd, who was Robin Hood 58 years ago for Walt Disney. The other guy is, of course, President Reagan.

How Ironic: Todd's Robin Hood robbed from the rich to give to the poor, and Ronald Reagan did exactly the opposite!


The Pope has forgiven The Beatles for saying they were more popular than this mythical Jesus person (which, at the time, they were). Nice of him. But have The Beatles forgiven the Pope for covering up for child-molesting priests, and for being an actual Nazi in Hitler's army? No? Too bad.


It's good to be the king, especially when the king is Buster Keaton.



And sometimes, it's good to be a Queen!

The English know the proper place for Little Dougie, in a dumpster!


I tuned in a minute or so early for LOST one night, just as they were kissing off Buzz Aldrin on that Dancing With the Has-Beens show. It seemed to me that I heard Tom Bergeron say: "Buzz, I have to say, when I was 14 years-old, watching on a black-&-white set, you walk on the moon, I never thought I'd have this honor, to kick a living historical human legend off of a cheesy TV dance show. Blast-off, Buster."

All right, who let the dogs near the spaghetti? Now I'll have to throw all of it out.


They're for MUSIC? I thought an ipod was the autobiography of one of the aliens in Invasion of the Body Snatchers: "I, Pod".

No, this is not me! It's Betty Buckley, imitating me!



No, this is not me! It's Betty White imitatiing me!



Well, let's leave Little Dougie gazing out at a green elephant, the sort that only flies when you're not looking. I'm turing 113 on Saturday, and he's turning 60. I need a drink


Cheers darlings.