Thursday, August 20, 2009

Plastered in Paris

Okay, I have to add to last week's posting about idiots on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, because tonight they had on another moron contestant, opposite Big Brother's eviction episode, which I discussed over on the HuffPo in my column Hell Hath No Fury. Check it out

Liz Schuller, an elementary school music teacher (Parents, get your kids out of her classes!), was asked this question for $16,000:

Fittingly, "The Jules Verne" is the name of a restaurant located on the second floor of what world landmark?
A. The Leaning Tower of Pisa.
B. The Effiel Tower
C. The Taj Mahal.
D. The Kremlin.

...and she had to "Ask The Expert," in this case, luckily enough for her, Mo Rocca, the bright, funny, former Daily Show correspondent whom I adore, who, not being an idiot, knew the obvious answer.

As it happens, I've eaten at "The Jules Verne." Above is a picture of Little Dougie and I in Paris, with "The Jules Verne" in the background. Even if I hadn't eaten there, and even if the "Verne is French; only the Effiel Tower is in France" logic was too much for my tiny brain to work out on its own, as it apparently was for poor, hopelessly stupid Liz's, I think I could still take this walk through the choices.

Do you really think there are many tourists clamoring to eat in The Kremlin? "Hello. Welcome to our restaurant named for that French swine of a fantasist, Jules Verne. My name is Khrushchev Gorbachev Breshnev, you can call me KGB, and I'll be your waiter tonight. No need to give me your order, as I heard what you wanted for dinner when I bugged your hotel room. And in any event, all we have is boiled cabbage and vodka. Now get down on the floor, for you are under arrest, you American spies, for sneaking into The Kremlin!"

Then there's the Taj Mahal. It's a tomb! Yes, who doesn't enjoy dining among the dead? "Hello. My name is Mahatma. I'll be your waiter tonight. We serve only Indian food here, made from actual Indians. Please try to ignore the stench. However, it's Hunger Strike Night, so you're getting nothing." At least the place has - ah - ambiance.

And as for The Leaning Tower of Pisa, how could you serve meals on the second floor of The Leaning Tower of Pisa? The food would keep sliding off the plate.

They should call the Millionaire revival Five Weeks with a Buffoon.

Cheers darlings.


Anonymous said...

Oh darling, the way you have little Dougie write for you is amazing. I just finished "My Lush Life" and I must say. Why have you not won a prze for scandalisciousness? XOXOXO


Tallulah Morehead said...

You'd have to ask the prize-givers that. I spit on awards myself. I would only accept an award to avoid hurting the feelings of those compelled to honor me.

Hope you enjoyed my little book.

Cheers darling.

mngddess said...

Just discovered your blog. What a hoot! Thank you for making me laugh - especially with the photo of the Wicked Witch of the West (Chima). You have truly helped me get through my monthly PMS rage. love ya!

Tallulah Morehead said...

How well I remember my days at PMS, Pari-Mutual Studios, where I made most of my classic films.

I just hope the pictures of Chima don't make you wake up SCREAMNG!!!

Cheers darling