Monday, January 26, 2009

The Saggy Awards

Drink up darlings. It's the night each year when actors gather to congratulate each other, and blow smoke up each other's butts about how "Great" they are, even though The Great Ones, except for me, are all dead. How does that differ from every night in Hollywood? Ah ... damn good question. Because they're doing it on TV?

No. They do that every night.

Because they're handing each other a buff naked man to take home as a prize?

No. They do that every night too.

Okay, it's just another normal night in Hollywood, but they did hand out "The Actor" tonight, that hunky, mouthless little SAG Award statuette, which is better hung than The Oscar, as Sean Penn pointed out this evening. Sean, what did it to you? Playing Harvey Milk, or having been married to Madonna? Either can turn you gay. Both must turn you gay. Any day now, Guy Ritchie will be changing his name to Gal Ritchie.

Above is the new, improved "The Actor" Award, with a larger, Sean Penn-approved "even healthier" package, and my own severed face.

For my full, no-bars-held review of the show on The Huffington Post, click here:
It's fun for the whole family, if you're a family of pervs, and who isn't?
Meanwhile, I'll be back with a whole new flogging just for my loyal readers of The Morehead the Merrier soon.

Cheers darlings.


Hermite said...

I really enjoyed your HuffyPo piece. I would post this there but I am not a member, and I do so wish to be careful about with whom I am seen.

Loved your reasoning for why Slumdog didn't win. Probably true.

Did you, by chance, look at the photos from the SAG red carpet that are on HuffPo? Some of them are just so ripe for hilarious captioning. And Krakowski's dress...clearly the woman is a great admirer of yours and wished to copy your inimitable fashion sense. And while that is an oxymoron, we'll note that hers lacked the stripes. Perhaps you share the same designer?

Speaking of oxymorons, why is Rush Limballs still being allowed to spew his venom? I have heard there is a boycott being called for all sponsors of his show. There is one person I most sincerely hope to see on your next year-end "Their Loss Is Our Gain" flog.

For now, cheers darling.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Well I have actually topped Jane Kracowski once. At the 1948 Oscars, I was called out to present an Oscar. I'd been making mad, passionate love to William Bendix backstage, and in my rush to get out onstage, I put my dress back on upside-down. It caused a SENSATION!

Sadly, Rush Limpballs still has an audience. Just do what I have always done with Rush; ignore him. He's irrelevant. In fact, these days won't even snort Rush during sex. I switched to "Locker Room".

Cheers darling.